to the month that felt like a decade: reflecting on january 2020

is it too stereotypical to say that january lasted a decade? because man, did that month feel long. as we move into a new month, i figured i would slowly re-introduce myself into the blogging world by taking a minute to step back and reflect on the first month of a new decade.

january was an incredibly tough month for me career-wise. there were huge, administrative changes made to my position that made me incredibly concerned for my mental health. some of the "stronger" relationships i made at work completely and utterly crumbled. i was told by someone i valued at work that i could not be trusted due to the choices made by other people. this image reads, "if someone doesn't appreciate you for who you are, it's not your job to convince them." this message really hits the nail on the head for me. as hard as it can be to praise myself, i am truly good at my job. as a first-year teacher, i know i'm far from perfect. but i'm in the right field, and it shows. january taught me that it is not my responsibility to make someone appreciate, value, or respect me. all i can do is show up and try my hardest. and i do.

this image reads "it's important to know the difference between working on your goals and keeping yourself busy just so you don't have to sit with your thoughts." as my position changed this month, i spent a lot of time drowning myself in the pressures of work under the guise of productivity. i kept myself "busy," trying to keep ahead of deadlines, therefore burning myself out. at times, i failed to take care of myself and address my needs as a human being, not as an educator. teaching is an incredibly draining, time-consuming job. more often than not, i take my work home with me and fail to separate myself from my work. i kept myself so, so busy at times because i didn't want to acknowledge that i was drowning. looking back, i can see how unhealthy this pattern was for me. i can continue to meet my personal and professional goals while maintaining a healthy work-life balance. as we progress through the year, this is something that i need to try much, much harder at. 

in my 24 years on this planet, i have been through and overcome a lot. life has not always been kind to me, but i truly believe i have grown stronger as the result of my experiences. i want this year to be the year i come out of my shell, the year where all of the change i've spent my life working toward comes to fruition. i want to continue putting my best face forward, to continue welcoming the world instead of being hardened by it. 2020 will be the year i bloom. i hope you will, too. 

- a.